I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself as sexual images, as the emotions and insecurities that I've accepted and allowed to relate to those sexual images, such as the images I see in porn, the movements I have implemented in my mind as arousing from the females in the videos from porn, or from past experiences of having sex with other females.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to bring up these internal sensations, from the point of accepting and allowing myself to accumulate the point of fears, of fantasies, of entertainment, to where I want to verify these addictive and abusive patterns through abusing myself further by masturbating to porn, or through these thoughts, and wanting to ejaculate to relieve the points of fear, and likewise only circulating this pattern of going back to wanting to entertain myself through thoughts, and behaviors that realistically aren't supportive for myself or my environment.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor define my relationship with masturbation, as a point of escape from my self responsibilities to facing my internal problems, from my own accepted and allowed separation, and abuse within myself and towards my environment, towards life. Within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use masturbation as a source to only further separate myself from Reality, through the delusion of pornographic images, to suppress the abuse within other relationships, and to only verify the image cover up withinthese separate relationships.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make the excuse to not take self responsibility for my addiction in regards to masturbation, and within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use masturbation in itself, as a way to feed the excuses, and as a way to further favor the emotional experiences that accumulate towards the point of wanting to masturbate , or watch images of sex, of women and the sexual movements, and body parts as a imagery relationship towards the sexual experience.
I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that wanting to see all of these images, is merely an ultimatum to escape all of the negative and positive emotional roller coaster, when in the moment of wanting to masturbate. Thus within this I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to stop, breath, and investigate why i sit down, and start masturbating to these images.
I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus imply to myself when going through with the masturbation, that I'm deliberately accepting and allowing myself to become more and more unstable within points in my relationships, by feeding the emotions with masturbating to images of porn, of sexual images and gestures. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that I have created a resonating relationship to instability when ejaculating, as myself feeding the dose of that momentary high, as if I'm taking a drug that is gradually disintegrating my health, my well being, and only and inevitably accumulating self abuse.
When and as I see myself experiencing a bring up if sexual images in my mind, I stop, I breath, and I work with what is here, and I do not further accumulate the point of the image relationships, of the physical manifested release of these images and sexual relationships. Within this, I commit myself to further investigate, over time, each specific detail of how I've related myself to these sexual images, and how it accumulates to the point of wanting to release these images/energies through masturbation, or wanting to have sex with a woman.
When and as I see myself going into entertaining thoughts, of feeding these thoughts through abusive behaviors, of excessive or compulsive behaviors, to the point in which I'm wanting to masturbate, or even just have the thoughts of sex, of the women sexually, I stop, I breath, and I apply myself to self support through exposing these points, and as well as using the physical as support, and as a guideline to what's really supportive, and what's merely the thing I'm using to feed the energies.
I see and realize, that through masturbation, I am only feeding my own self inflicted pain, and that I am only accumulating physical consequences within myself that will inevitably manifest, if I do not stop, and if I do to not fake self responsibility for these relationships that I've accepted and allowed to relate to masturbation as that point to abuse myself only further and dive into more problems that could be practically walked through within breath, within what's best supportive for myself to stop the addiction to masturbation, and even the addictions in other relationships which I use masturbation as a primary source to verify such separate addictions, which essentially derive from the same place within myself - dishonesty, abuse, fear.
I commit myself to always come to writing myself out, to come to the point of breath, when and as I see myself in the experience of wanting to masturbate, of creating excuses and reasons why I don't want to take self responsibility to face what ever pain, or whatever point within me that requires eh attention every time I face the temptation of wanting to masturbate. Thus within this, I commit myself to transcend the point of the addiction, to a healthy relationship, to using that addiction every time it comes up, as a building block to support myself, and to break through thoughts and emotions, and not allowing them to dictate me, or define me.
When and as I see myself in the motion of masturbation, of the stroking movements coinciding to the images that built up to the point of wanting to masturbate, I immediately stop, I breath, I cloth myself, and I start writing (or stating) self forgiveness and self corrective statements as a way to identify where exactly and what exactly was the cause of me starting to masturbate, and using this as a way to push throb and transcend through each point.
I see and realize, that every moment I abuse my physical body, through using it as an energy source to feed the emotions within the mind, that I am inevitably accumulating the next point of instability. Within this, I commit myself to walk through points and behaviors which I'm most unstable, and to correct these points as a way to support myself equally within each relationship, such as masturbation, to become generally more stable and supportive within myself and towards my environment.
No comments:
Post a Comment