Day 4 - wanting a quick fix

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself, to have defined myself in and as words of who I am as self image, to when facing such extensive points, eventually going into the temptation/act of masturbation, to relieve the work needed to walk through these points of self judgements, ideas, definitions.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself within the polarities of "I'm sexy" or "I'm ugly"/getting fat/need to fix how I look. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feed the voids of myself within wanting to fulfill the idea of myself, through masturbation, through wanting a magical experience, not seeing and realizing, that there is no quick fix to walking the process of self, and thus, within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to verify and place myself trapped in the realm of wanting to feel, wanting to succeed a satisfactory outcome, self interest.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus masturbate, as a point of sabotaging those relationships I initially walked through, within not being willing to fully walk through relationships, self judgements, polarities and ideas of self.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to feed the inner demons/possessions of myself, where I try to hold on to that self image, hold onto the idea that "I'm sexy" or "I'm ugly"/getting fat/need to fix how I look, not understanding the consequences of instability I create when trying to heal my conscious points of myself, trying to verify the existence within and as what I've accepted and allowed as myself.

When and as I see myself wanting to masturbate, as an attempt to time loop these points of self image, I stop, I breath, I fully see what I was initially supporting myself with, and I then walk back to the point in which I had fallen, and within fully considering the consequences, go back to what I was doing, or if spotting a clear point, write it out, and then go back to what I was doing here.

I see and realize, that it cannot get anywhere when participating in fueling energy deliberately, and that the only actual way of walking through these polarity points, is through breathing, and directing myself with the physical. Thus, when and as I see myself potentially in the point of masturbating, I stop, I breath, I do not resist, but however move myself with masturbating back to here, meaning: I do not need to masturbate, but I investigate how I'm touching my penis, I see where I abusively hold it, or how I'm moving myself, why, and then eventually stop, breath, and go back to what I was doing before/supporting myself with.

I commit myself to face these relationships I deliberately attempted to sabotage, and to walk through them next time I face masturbation again, and along the way, to remain self supportive, to remain self aware, and to do what's best for all within considering the consequences of participating in experiences like masturbating.

I commit myself to face these conscious points in which I've accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the creation of these points, and to build a stance and grounding of integrity to not further deliberately feed these points, and being self aware of all aspects within debunking these points, including masturbation.

Day 3 - procrastinating self responsibility with women through masturbating part 2

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to masturbate when I have related myself as "not good enough" within my appearance, who I am in relationship to women, or within a point that I have made relavent towards women.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to draw attention to these insecurities that I initially have of myself, such as appearance, to where I then create the idea, that the only way I will feel better about myself, is by masturbating to women within the context that the women that I aTRACT myself towards in my mind, will give me the feeling of security.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus be willing to base my relationship with women, off of wanting them to have sex with me out of the intention of wanting to feel secure about myself, and thus within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to abuse my relationship with women, within the acceptance and allowance of being dictated by my own insecurities.

When and as I see myself going into patterns of giving attention to insecurities, tot he point of wanting to suppress my own self inflicted judgements, through the images of having sex with women, or specific women, I stop, I breath, and I pin point the behaviors I participate in, which feed the accumulation towards wanting to masturbate.

I commit myself to redefine my relationship with women, and with masturbation within deconstructing compulsive behaviors that I use to feed insecurities, and to suppress facing these insecurities, which lead me to the point of using women and masturbating tot he images of women as a void.

Day 2 - procrastinating self responsibility with women through masturbating part 1

So it seems that every time I go Into the point in wanting to masturbate, that it was always a build up from where I was constantly trying to verify voids within myself that impeded me from taking self responsibility. It seems all addictions, all of the ways I use to entertain myself, is simply a way to not get off of my ass to actually do something about my relationships, and thus, masturbation is like me implying to myself, that I'm going to further accumulate indirect participation towards my problems, towards relationships that are clearly in disorder, and so masturbation simply being that escape tool, to verify the energetic experiences that exist only to prevent myself from facing those relationships, and allowing those abusive relationships to continue to exist within myself.

Win this blog I'm going to direct the point specifically in regards to my relationship with women and masturbation.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to masturbate as a way to further abuse myself and to further prevent myself from taking care of my own accepted and allowed abuse and separation towards my REALationships, where I want to verify the delusion, through feeding myself pictures of fake sex, of pictures of women, and wanting to ejaculate to suppress the reality of what I accept and allow in my life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself having sex with other females, as a way to suppress the reality that I'm actually insecure towards females, and that I actually fear that females don't appreciate me, won't accept me, to where I create masturbation as a way to give myself the sensation that I'm better than females, and that I will win over females through pretending that I'm having sex with them.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am abusing my relationship with females through only wanting to fulfill myself within my own delusion that I need to appear superior, and better than them, and thus within this, masturbating as a way to verify these dishonest relationships within myself as a way to prepare myself to when I go around another female again.

This will further be investigated in part 2...

Day 1 - redefining my relationship with masturbation and sex

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to define myself as sexual images, as the emotions and insecurities that I've accepted and allowed to relate to those sexual images, such  as the images I see in porn, the movements I have implemented in my mind as arousing from the females in the videos from porn, or from past experiences of having sex with other females.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to bring up these internal sensations, from the point of accepting and allowing myself to accumulate the point of fears, of fantasies, of entertainment, to where I want to verify these addictive and abusive patterns through abusing myself further by masturbating to porn, or through these thoughts, and wanting to ejaculate to relieve the points of fear, and likewise only circulating this pattern of going back to wanting to entertain myself through thoughts, and behaviors that realistically aren't supportive for myself or my environment.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to therefor define my relationship with masturbation, as a point of escape from my self responsibilities to facing my internal problems, from my own accepted and allowed separation, and abuse within myself and towards my environment, towards life. Within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use masturbation as a source to only further separate myself from Reality, through the delusion of pornographic images, to suppress the abuse within other relationships, and to only verify the image cover up withinthese separate   relationships.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to make the excuse to not take self responsibility for my addiction in regards to masturbation, and within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to use masturbation in itself, as a way to feed the excuses, and as a way to further favor the emotional experiences that accumulate towards the point of wanting to masturbate , or watch images of sex, of women and the sexual movements, and body parts as a imagery relationship towards the sexual experience.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to realize, that wanting to see all of these images, is merely an ultimatum to escape all of the negative and positive emotional roller coaster, when in the moment of wanting to masturbate. Thus within this I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to stop, breath, and investigate why i sit down, and start masturbating to these images.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus imply to myself when going through with the masturbation, that I'm deliberately accepting and allowing myself to become more and more unstable within points in my relationships, by feeding the emotions with masturbating to images of porn, of sexual images and gestures. Within this, I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize, that I have created a resonating relationship to instability when ejaculating, as myself feeding the dose of that momentary high, as if I'm taking a drug that is gradually disintegrating my health, my well being, and only and inevitably accumulating self abuse.

When and as I see myself experiencing a bring up if sexual images in my mind, I stop, I breath, and I work with what is here, and I do not further accumulate the point of the image relationships, of the physical manifested release of these images and sexual relationships. Within this, I commit myself to further investigate, over time, each specific detail of how I've related myself to these sexual images, and how it accumulates to the point of wanting to release these images/energies through masturbation, or wanting to have sex with a woman.

When and as I see myself going into entertaining thoughts, of feeding these thoughts through abusive behaviors, of excessive or compulsive behaviors, to the point in which I'm wanting to masturbate, or even just have the thoughts of sex, of the women sexually, I stop, I breath, and I apply myself to self support through exposing these points, and as well as using the physical as support, and as a guideline to what's really supportive, and what's merely the thing I'm using to feed the energies.

I see and realize, that through masturbation, I am only feeding my own self inflicted pain, and that I am only accumulating physical consequences within myself that will inevitably manifest, if I do not stop, and if I do to not fake self responsibility for these relationships that I've accepted and allowed to relate to masturbation as that point to abuse myself only further and dive into more problems that could be practically walked through within breath, within what's best supportive for myself to stop the addiction to masturbation, and even the addictions in other relationships which I use masturbation as a primary source to verify such separate addictions, which essentially derive from the same place within myself - dishonesty, abuse, fear.

I commit myself to always come to writing myself out, to come to the point of breath, when and as I see myself in the experience of wanting to masturbate, of creating excuses and reasons why I don't want to take self responsibility to face what ever pain, or whatever point within me that requires eh attention every time I face the temptation of wanting to masturbate. Thus within this, I commit myself to transcend the point of the addiction, to a healthy relationship, to using that addiction every time it comes up, as a building block to support myself, and to break through thoughts and emotions, and not allowing them to dictate me, or define me.

When and as I see myself in the motion of masturbation, of the stroking movements coinciding to the images that built up to the point of wanting to masturbate, I immediately stop, I breath, I cloth myself, and I start writing (or stating) self forgiveness and self corrective statements as a way to identify where exactly and what exactly was the cause of me starting to masturbate, and using this as a way to push throb and transcend through each point.

I see and realize, that every moment I abuse my physical body, through using it as an energy source to feed the emotions within the mind, that I am inevitably accumulating the next point of instability. Within this, I commit myself to walk through points and behaviors which I'm most unstable, and to correct these points as a way to support myself equally within each relationship, such as masturbation, to become generally more stable and supportive within myself and towards my environment.

Day 1 - misdirection within masturbating

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have misdirected myself within masturbation participation.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have masturbated as a way to escape the physical responsibility within a write that needed to be done.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to then manipulate myself into the dishonest point that because it was a scheduled moment, tht I could just go and masturbate instead of firstly slowing myself down here to really already know and understand what needs to be done first before even the consideration of masturbation.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to thus not have messaged my buddy to assist me within how to properly approach the point of masturbation, but instead allowed the temptation of my mind be this sudden known directive point of self interest to get this release from my physical body.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have thus had a misdirection within and while masturbating, where I didn't have any direction within how to investigate myself within the point, but instead just used breathing as this excuse to masturbate, within this I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to manipulate breathing with the mind fulfillment of the masturbation.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to have thus caused misdirection within self directive principle within myself, and instead now having this outcome of wanting my mind to direct me.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to then try to create this sabotaging guilt point to not walk through my process here, but instead allowing that outcome of participating with escapism within masturbation, as wanting to now just suddenly escape self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to then deliberately give myself misdirection from being stable here and not having breathed to direct myself, and thus having misdirection within myself to masturbate, and when I masturbated.

When and as I see myself in the time frame to participate with masturbation, but am emotionally built up to an extent or am simply busy with another point, I stop, I breath to let go of the tendency, and continue on to the next point that is scheduled.

When and as I se myself trying to escape a point of self responsibility through masturbation, I stop, I breath, and I simply let go of the point to masturbate regardless of the direction or purpose, and I simply continue breathing and go on t the next point I require working on.

When and as I see myself knowing that there's some points of dishonesty that I'm not sure how to direct myself when csidering the point of masturbation, then I simply follow breathing and what's here, what's my schedule, and do not participate untill proper direction.

I commit myself to ,essays my buddy if needed when in a point of considering masturbation, and 'not sure' which direction to take, within this I commit myself to allow that context of doing so be within what's best for all life, what's best for my process.

When and as I see myself participating in masturbation, with no clarity or some points of direction, then I immediately stop, go write out what lead to the point, see the motivation, and thus within this, I commit myself to schedule masturbstion 2- days from now, but allow myself to be within the moment of breathing consistently, and thus participate within masturbation as just simply another point to take self responsibility for.

I commit myself to keep on track with my points, and t not try to figure anything out within my mind, or make changes with my mind that would manipulate my process and schedule. Within this, when and as I see myself trying to create this excuse that how I feel matters now, then I simply stop the bullshit mind manipulation, andcntinue breathing, and then go onto what I require taking self responsibility for within schedule. Within this, when and as I see myself at a loose end, I stop, I breath, and I write firstly on that loose end, I blog the point, and then afterwards, go back to schedule as usual.

When and as I see myself creating an emotional experience of hilt or self sabotage for having masturbate, I simply stop, I breath, and I write the point out in this blog, and thus within this giving m,used direction for any mistakes made from having masturbated within misdirection.

I commit myself to give myself direction within and as breath from this moment back within schedule.