Day 2 - procrastinating self responsibility with women through masturbating part 1

So it seems that every time I go Into the point in wanting to masturbate, that it was always a build up from where I was constantly trying to verify voids within myself that impeded me from taking self responsibility. It seems all addictions, all of the ways I use to entertain myself, is simply a way to not get off of my ass to actually do something about my relationships, and thus, masturbation is like me implying to myself, that I'm going to further accumulate indirect participation towards my problems, towards relationships that are clearly in disorder, and so masturbation simply being that escape tool, to verify the energetic experiences that exist only to prevent myself from facing those relationships, and allowing those abusive relationships to continue to exist within myself.

Win this blog I'm going to direct the point specifically in regards to my relationship with women and masturbation.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want to masturbate as a way to further abuse myself and to further prevent myself from taking care of my own accepted and allowed abuse and separation towards my REALationships, where I want to verify the delusion, through feeding myself pictures of fake sex, of pictures of women, and wanting to ejaculate to suppress the reality of what I accept and allow in my life.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself having sex with other females, as a way to suppress the reality that I'm actually insecure towards females, and that I actually fear that females don't appreciate me, won't accept me, to where I create masturbation as a way to give myself the sensation that I'm better than females, and that I will win over females through pretending that I'm having sex with them.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am abusing my relationship with females through only wanting to fulfill myself within my own delusion that I need to appear superior, and better than them, and thus within this, masturbating as a way to verify these dishonest relationships within myself as a way to prepare myself to when I go around another female again.

This will further be investigated in part 2...